


The Lesser Brother

by queenLiz



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, F/M, Insanity, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-01 12:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2773040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenLiz/pseuds/queenLiz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Odin hadn't fallen to sleep? Would Loki's path really be any different?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Will Not Sleep For My Son Needs Me

**Author's Note:**

> This story has no beta  
> This is my first Thor fanfic.  
> I have taken a bit from the movies and a bit from mythology and then made up my own stuff.

               

               “You’re my son!” Odin all but screamed as Loki stood before him, green eyes filled with a deep rooted loneliness and despair. “I wanted only to protect you from the truth.”

                “What?! Because I’m the monster parents tell their children about at night?” Tears were flowing steadily out of Loki’s eyes as he glared at what he thought was his father; his protector and number one reason for his pain.

                “No!” Odin tried to scream as his body grew week. Odin sleep threated to take him over, but he had to fight it. He needed Loki to understand even as his legs gave out from under him.

                “You know it all makes sense now!” Loki’s voice deepened as his anger grew to overpower his pain. “Why you favored Thor all these years. Because no matter how much you claimed to love me, you could never have a Frost Giant on the throne of Asgard.”

                Odin reached for his son. “No, no Loki.” He grasped his son’s thin wrist to pull him close but his lack of strength and Loki’s determination to keep a distance between them made it impossible to draw closer to him. “You were to be a king of your people, to end the war between us.”

                “Right, to rule a people that left me to die!”

                “To end Ragnarok!”

                This took Loki back a step. Ragnarok was the end of times and ultimately the demise of many gods. How did his life matter in that? He was no one of any importance. He was Thor’s little brother, a mere shadow. “What do you mean?”

                “Oh, Loki.” Odin sighed. “You are the key. The starter of the end.”

                His body shook as a wave of nausea hit him. Sadness bubbled over his anger and tears started fresh. “I…” No words followed and he tried to understand what he was. He was not a prince of Asgard, the heroes of the nine realms but a prince of the Frost Giants, the monsters who threatened to tip the scales to evil. He was not Thor’s brother but Thor’s enemy. He was not a force for good but a force to be used to end everything he knew and cared about.

                Again, the sadness ebbed away and anger replaced it. His eyes darkened with it, his throat choked on it. All the names he was called by Thor’s friends, a trickster, a coward, a liar. Did they all know? Was it a secret joke? As he struggled to keep up with Sif and the Warriors Three and found solace in magic and spells. He had no place, not on Asgard, not on Jotuinheim. His very existence was a curse on the gods, and if his father wanted to use him to stop fate, then that is what he’ll do. And maybe, with this one act, he could win his father’s love, the respect of Thor’s friend and maybe even Thor.

                “Fine.” He said, suddenly calm and clear. “Since you failed to end it, I will.”

                It took Odin a moment to figure out what Loki meant but the time he did, Loki had passed him and was running towards the Bifrost. “Guards!” He yelled out. “Stop Loki!”

                The guards scrambled to do as ordered but Loki was fast and when cornered he relied on teleportation to escaped capture. As he ran, his glamour faded and he realized that all this time, he was able to lie to himself. His usually pale skin was turning blue and his ember eyes were turning red. Now he was running away from himself as much as he was running towards to Bifrost. The guards shied away the more he changed and helped to evade them.

                None of them wanted to touch him. In their eyes he could see their fear, his people, his family, frightened of what he really was. He ran until he reached the Rainbow Bridge and in front of it stood Sif and The Warriors Three. He sparred with them, knew their weaknesses but it seemed he wouldn’t need this knowledge. As they looked at him, their weapons fell unsure of what to do.

                He looked into Sif’s hazel eyes. How often he lay between her thighs, her long callused fingers running through his black hair? How often she looked at him with fondness, and at one point love? She had picked him over Thor, the only time he every beat his brother at anything and now fear was all he saw. After he swore to always protect her, to keep her from harm and now he would have to protect her from herself. Now that she knew he was a monster, how would she ever lay with him again? After hearing her tales of how she would destroy every Frost Giant she would cross paths with. Would her hate of Frost Giants be greater than her love of him?

                The air around him grew colder until he could see their breath with each exhalation. How ironic that a god of fire would be Frost Giant. The two opposites battled inside of him until around him, rain droplets mixed with snow fell. Confused and scared Loki looked to Sif as if she held an answer for what was happening to him. He took a step towards her and she took a step back.

                The rain quickened and grew colder until small balls of hail started to form. The small pellets grew until the touch of them would cause destruction on what they fell on. This caused Sif and the Warriors to take cover and gave Loki the moment he needed to run to the bridge.

                He stopped until he was on the edge, below him a space filled with void. The hail stopped but snow fell as he put up a force field of protection. Tears started a new. This would make everything better. This would fix what his birth would destroy.

                He could hear guards approach. He could hear his father called out to him. But he was too far gone. He knew none of them could penetrate his shield. “Loki?” No one but his mother.

                He turned to her, expecting to see a shocked face, but pity is what he saw. She knew, just like his father, what he was and what he would bring. He had to protect her, above everyone else. The woman who taught him to be strong didn’t mean being physically aggressive.

                He looked back to the void. This would make everything ok.

                Suddenly a roar of thunder shook them as Heimdall opened the portal, and Thor landed on the Bifrost arms locked around a brunette woman. He looked confused, as if he was summoned without knowing it. It only took a few moments for him to recognize his little brother even with his blue skin and red eyes. “Brother?!” He called out.

                Loki turned to him. “No.” He answered. “Not your brother.” Without turning back to the void, not wanted to see where his death was coming from, Loki stepped off the bridge his shield fading away.

                Frigga screamed as Thor lunged towards the edge making it there in time to grasp Loki’s hand in his.

                “Let me go Thor.” Loki pleaded. “I have to make it better.”

                Confused but sure Loki’s death wouldn’t make anything better, Thor gripped him tighter. “No.”

                Realizing Thor wouldn’t allow him to do what was necessary, Loki held on to Thor’s hand and let his own hand grow colder until it burned through Thor’s skin.

                Thor held on as best he could through the pain, but eventually he let go and screamed as he watched as his brother fell into nothingness.


	2. I Remember Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does the realm do without their prince?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok here is Chapter 2. I've taken some liberties with mythology.

He falls

Time stops or maybe it quickens

He calls

But his throat it thickens

Full of a void

Empty of a thought

Of a life once enjoyed

Of goals once sought.

 

He falls

And there is no way to stop

The walls

Invisible and yet drops

Surrounded by nothing

Consumed by dark

Is he going or coming?

Afraid of this journey he embarked

Chapter 2 I Remember Him

               

They mourned for their fallen prince but Sif had to admit the sadness wasn’t has thick as it would’ve been had it been Thor that fallen. Loki’s sendoff was not of that of a warrior because no one really thought of him as such. Instead they had a feast reliving some of his most humorous tricks.

                She thought back about the first trick he played on her. He had waited until she was asleep and then crept in her room, ever the sneak. And then, without any know how, he used a dagger to cut off her hair. Blonde locks on her pillow were the first thing she saw as she awoke, and then she remembered screaming his name so loud the entire kingdom could hear her.

                She chased Loki through the halls of the palace much to the entertainment of passersby. She had finally caught him up with him by jumping on his back causing them to fall through heavy oak doors. She didn’t even realize that she had fallen into the study where Odin and Frigga were looking through books. She didn’t realize it until Loki, with her hands around his slender neck, squealed out “Mom help!”

                Sif jumped up off Loki and bowed. “Your highnesses! I was just…”

                “Trying to kill my son?” Odin asked with a smile as Loki ran to his mother’s arms.

                “Well, yes. Look at what he did to my hair!”

                Odin turned to Loki. “You did this?”

                A smile is what they got as an answer.

                Frigga pulled him from her embrace. “Loki!” She admonished. “You fix this right away!”

                Loki nodded and teleported away. It wasn’t until later that night that he returned to her chambers looking apologetic. “Close your eyes.” He told her.

                She did as he requested and kept them closed until he told her to open them again. She glanced in the mirror. Her hair had indeed returned, but it was as black as his own. She turned to him ready to strangle him again but was disarmed by his smile.

                “Now I’m not the only one with black hair!” He exclaimed proudly.

                She sighed wanting to be mad, but it ebbed away.

                Sif smiled at the memory. While everyone else wore their blonde locks proudly, she and Loki were the only ones with dark hair. Without him, now she was alone in this, the odd one.

                She remembered when she and Loki sparred together. They often did usually because Loki bothered her until she had no choice but to attack him. It was one of those rare days when Loki seemed to be besting everyone. He was particularly fast and was able to knock her off her feet fairly quickly. He landed on top of her with that arrogant look on his face.

                “Well,” He had said. “Isn’t this a nice position?”

                She rolled her eyes as Thor’s boisterous laugh cut in between them. “Brother, you haven’t a shot with my future queen.”

                Loki looked up. “In deed brother.” He removed himself from her. “But while you have her heart, she has my hair.”

                Looking back, she realized why he cut her hair. It was one of the things he thought Thor was most attracted too. By taking it, he thought Thor would no longer pursue her and by making her hair black, he thought he’d marked her. Made her his. But that is not what happened.

                She thought she loved Thor. So when the All Father had promised her to his eldest son she was over joyed. But when Loki became of age, it seemed overnight, she became attracted to his morbid sense of humor, wit and unusual beauty. He would perform the most humorous tricks to her for her approval before he would attempt to woo some woman.

                Loki was exotic. He had no problems obtaining women; it was keeping them that seemed to be a problem. It seemed to be the same story just with a new face. Someone woman that Loki would fall for would seem to fall for him for roughly a few months before making eyes at Thor.

                There was one story that she remembered him telling that broke her heart for him. As one of the guys, they often would tell her their tales of conquests, some more entertaining than others. But Loki had sort her out at a feast and pulled her to a secluded part of the hall. It had been his first time to lay with a woman and he couldn’t wait to tell someone.

                “Why not Thor?” She had asked him.

                “Because,” Came his answer. “Look you’ll see by the end of the story.

                So then he went on describing this woman as a goddess though Sif doubted it. Loki had the tendency to not to see things for what they were. If he thought her pretty, then his world, she was the most beautiful woman created. He went on to describe their encounter and how she seemed to be shy or afraid of his touch and when he asked her what was wrong, she told him she was just nervous and asked him to do impressions to lessen her fears.

                Loki was known to impersonate people well. Able to change his appearance and voice, it was sometimes hard to tell if they were actual impersonations. He said eventually he did his impersonation of Thor and suddenly the woman no longer seemed afraid and welcomed his touch. He didn’t go into too much detail about it, Loki it seemed didn’t kiss and tell, but he did mention that he was so overcome by her attentions he never changed back to himself.

                He was called away at that point and Sif had watched him go knowing that this woman had used him to in essence, sleep with Thor. It didn’t take long for Loki to figure it out either. Sif thought that when he did the affair would be over. But he stayed with this woman and let her use him, though she never could figure out why. By the end of the relationship, the woman would only sleep with Loki if he looked like Thor, and would never let their affair be public. Eventually, she grew tired of the game and left Loki crushed, though he tried his best to pretend as if her departure hadn’t stung.

                A sharp laugh rang out and Frigga finished her story about how Loki had “accidentally” read a spell that turned Thor into a frog. Sif laughed too remembering how Loki took a week to figure out how to change him back. Thor, despite being very angry with his little brother at the time, laughed at the ordeal.

                Sif sighed, remembering their first time together. She and Thor were already discussing how ill-suited they would be together. As they had never lain together, she asked him if it would be alright to court Loki. Thor laughed. “You would kill him before you wed him!” He prophesized but he gave his blessing anyway.

                She hurried to Loki’s chambers that very night to find him studying as always. What he lacked in strength he made up for in intelligence.

He looked up from his book and smiled brightly. “Sify! What can I do for you?”

                She should have said something romantic or at least friendly but years of being one of the guys made her very sternly say, “Take off your clothes.”

                He dropped his book on his desk, eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What was that?” He leaned in, as if trying to catch every word she said.

                “I said. Take. Off. Your. Clothes.” She repeated slower figuring she had already started it. She might as well see it through.

                But then he leaned back in his set and in very confused tone asked. “Why?”

                It made her laugh. How could someone so knowing be so innocent? She walked forward and then straddled his lap.

He sat up even more confused then before and licked his lips nervously. “What are you doing?”

She kissed his lips softly in response before deepening the kiss. He was submissive beneath her, and it made her more aroused than she thought it would. He did eventually return her kiss but they didn’t have sex that night. It would be many nights after and many conversations with Thor later before he would actually consent.

For all his treachery and trickery, he wouldn’t hurt his brother that way. And it made her want him more.

She never got to claim him though. She wanted to wait until after Thor’s coronation before requesting for his brother’s hand so they kept things secret. But then Thor was banished, and Loki was suddenly a Frost Giant and nothing made sense anymore.

She looked up at the other guests in the crowd. They were still chatting remembering Loki in probably a more positive way than they ever would had he lived. She met Frigga’s eyes and Frigga smiled at her, as if knowing what secrets she held. And other than Thor, Frigga was probably the only other one to genuinely miss him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. I See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor wakes up to news that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the format a bit.

He moved in a cloak of invisibility, unable to be seen by the seer. He gathered his army and prepared to destroy them. It took what felt like an eternity before his feet was able to touch the ground and once it did his path seemed clear. There was no other road to take. He would kill them all, that was his purpose.

Thor was awoken to servants frantically knocking on the door. He turned to see Jane throwing the covers off her body to get to the door. “No,” He told her. “I’ll get it.”

He pulled open the heavy doors to see one of the male servants looking disheveled and worried.“What is it? What has happened?”

“My Prince.” The servant bowed. “All Father wishes to see you at once.”

Thor looked back to Jane. “Stay here.” He jogged to the Throne Room were Heimdall, his mother and father stood. The trio looked weary, as if sleep had eluded them for maybe three days. His mother, who was usually calm and always looked well put together was breathing ragged and she had on the same clothes Thor had seen her in yesterday. “Father, what’s happened?”

 Odin turned to his eldest son noticeably relieved by his presence. “It’s Loki. He’s been seen.”

 Thor’s heart leapt. Could it be his brother survived the fall? “Seen? Where?”

 “Jotunheim.” Heimdall answered.

 “He was raised an army.” The All Father continued. “And has waged a war against them. The warriors are being prepped now to defend them.”

 “Defend them?” Thor questioned. “We will fight against Loki and take sides with Frost Giants?”

 “We will stop him from destroying a whole race of people, no matter how atrocious their past crimes. Balance must be restored. And Loki is to be returned home.”

 Thor bowed, not wanting to waste any more time. His brother was alive! Alive and apparently insane because he was attempting to kill a whole race of people. He hurried to his chambers to ready himself.

 There he found Jane already sitting up and dressed a look of worry on her face. “What’s happening?” She asked. “Are we being attacked?”

 “No.” Was Thor’s quick answer.“Loki is alive. I have no time to tell you the whole story but I am to go and retrieve him. Stay close to mother and I will return.” After a kiss he departed hoping this to be a rescue mission. He had missed his little brother’s antics and honestly just his mere presence.

 Loki was his partner, always there to back him up whether in a fight or laughing at one of his jokes. He had missed the trickster terribly and the thought that he was alive and things could perhaps to return to normal was a desire Thor wanted above all others.

 Heimdall opened the portal and after a few bright moments, they landed in Jotunheim with their swords drawn and ready to fight. But when they landed there, they saw that beneath their feet were bloody bodies of giants and right before them was a bloody Loki with a crooked smile on his face.

 “If you are here to slay the monsters I am afraid you are too late.” Loki’s smile widened. “And if you are here to protect the monsters,” He held up the head of his biological father. “I am afraid it is still too late.”

 Thor stared at the wild eyes of his brother both unfocused and glassy. “Brother?” He asked. “What have you done?”

 With little care, Loki tossed his father’s head to the side. “Brother? I see no other Odinson here.”

 So he was still angry at his parentage? Thor had hoped Loki had passed it and maybe even grown to accept his place in the world. “Loki, we were raised together.”

 “Still does not make us brothers.”

 “We fought side by side.”

 “No that won’t do it either.”

 “Then what would you call it!” Thor yelled.

 Loki thought about it for a moment. “Two stupid boys blissfully unaware of truth?”

 Thor’s sigh was heavy as he was unsure of what do. He was prepared for a battle but not of the intellectual kind. He hoped maybe their mother could talk some sense into him. “Come Loki. You are expected back.”

 Loki took a step forward, one wild eye turned towards Thor. “Back? Back where? As I have no home, there should be no one expecting me.”

 Ignoring the comment Thor continued. “Father wants you home.”

 “Father? Father is dead, his head is right over there.” Loki pointed towards Laufy’s severed head. “And what is this home you speak of? I know of no home? I was never one of you on Asgard and as I stand here I realize I might well be the last Jotunn alive. Tell me, then, what home?”

 “Asgard Loki.” Thor answered starting to feel exhausted. “You are wanted back on Asgard.”

 “Wanted? It seems I wasn’t actually wanted by anyone and my existence is important only because I end… well… everything. But I will go to Asgard simply because I have nowhere else to be. Will my army becoming too?”

 Thor remembered Odin mentioning the army, but there wasn’t anyone there standing beside Loki. Perhaps they were fallen in battle or perhaps they left to hide when the Bifrost opened. “We will look for survivors.” He responded before looking up. “Heimdall, when you’re ready!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	4. Since His Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is back on Asgard but he'd rather be any place else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the others. There will be some humor and romance soon!

They were unsure of what to do. After securing Loki in his rooms and ridding everything he would use to either hurt himself or the guards, Thor went back to Jotunheim to look for any signs of Loki’s army or survivors. What they found was a large amount of Frost Giants, mostly women and children and pregnant males locked inside of a temple. It seemed what Loki destroyed was the Jotun army, which was a relief in Thor’s eyes. At least his brother still had a soul.

 The stories they told though were disturbing. It seemed, Loki didn’t actually have am army. He had himself, many, “at least a thousand” he was told more than once, of his duplicates. That was stressing. His baby brother managed to destroy an army of Frost Giants, the king included, on his own. It was a feat no one else in the nine realms could claim.

 That would mean Loki was stronger than what any of them believed. Thor knew his brother was a fierce sorcerer, but he was no warrior. He had seen his brother bested many times by those who were physically stronger than him. But then, he had to admit, he had seen his brother best many worthy opponents but it was always through trickery which wasn’t held in very high esteem on Asgard.

 Even worse, was the abnormal behavior Loki was displaying since he returned. He had taken to referring to himself as “us” and often mumbled to himself about what seemed like nonsense. He didn’t sleep last night and though food was delivered to him, he barely ate more than a few bites.

 Thor hadn’t slept well last night either and he suspected, neither had their parents. Everyone needed to regroup and plan out Loki’s return to normality.

 His brother was thinner than before and paler. He had unexplained scars on his lips and some on his hands. He had wanted time to talk to his brother before their mother did; to prepare her for what he had become but Loki refused to see anyone.

 Thor rose early the next day and prepared to meet his family in the chambers of the Throne. He felt heavy and tired but determined to do what he had to do to ensure that his brother was once again by his side.

 When he entered the hall leading to the throne of Asgard, he found more people waiting there than usual. Perhaps they wanted visual proof of their second prince’s life or perhaps they had heard what happened on Jotunheim and wanted to see the person who was able to destroy the monsters that had worked so hard to destroy everything that was good and right.

 When he entered the chamber he found his father already seated on the throne and his mother standing next to him. For the time being, they were treating this as a family affair meaning only family was going to question Loki about his actions. It was also the Jane’s first duties as a princess. He wished it were a friendlier occasion.

 Jane looked beautiful in traditional Asgard clothing. Her hair was brushed up in the same hairstyle as his mother but in his opinion she looked infinitely sexier. But this was not the time admire the beauty that chose to be with him. He had the rest of her life to compliment her, this was about Loki and he needed to keep focus.

 He took is position to his father’s left, next to Jane and soon they could hear cheering from the crowd outside the room, but what they chanted had nothing to do with their prince coming home but with Loki successfully “destroying the monsters.”

 Thor frowned. He couldn’t imagine what it felt like to hear the people of Asgard praising Loki for destroying those monsters when he himself was a monster.

 But when Loki entered, he was all smiles and charm as always. There was never any way to know what Loki was feeling but Thor couldn’t help but think that he had been a more attentive older brother, he would be able to see passed Loki’s facades. “Good morning!” He waved at them before stopping before Jane. “Who are you Midgardian?”

 Jane cleared her throat obviously surprised at him actually addressing her first. She had assumed she was there only for moral support, but it seemed Loki’s curiosity would thrust her into actually participating in this family reunion. “Um, Jane, Thor’s wife.”

 Loki’s green eyes widened. “Wife!” He looked at Thor. “You are disgusting! She’s an alien.”

 “HEY!” Jane yelled!

 “Midgardians are not disgusting.” Thor explained not really surprised at his younger brother’s feelings towards interspecies relations. Loki had always said gods shouldn’t mix with mortals. “I know you have little respect for midgardians…”

 “On the contrary. I met a wonderful midgardian. She helped me a great deal after I fell.” Loki answered before adding. “And she had an odd electrical device that renders one stunned. It is entertaining. To watch anyway, it’s really painful to be on the receiving end of that device.”

 Thor sat up straight. “A taser?”

 Loki nodded. “I believe that is what Lady Darcy called it.”

 Thor and Jane looked to each other but Odin’s voice prevented them from further questioning him. “We have gone off topic.” He stated in a tone that told everyone it was time to get to what was important. “I would like to know what you thought to accomplish by destroying Jotunheim.”

 “We would think it was obvious All Father. We thought to destroy and so we did.”

 “And how did you destroy them without an army?” Thor asked. “That is no small task for anyone and yet you did so in a relatively short amount of time.”

 “We are an army!” Loki yelled suddenly, his voice dripping with venom. “We are a kingdom! We do what we want and as we have no allegiance to anyone but ourselves, we only have to please ourselves and thus cannot disappoint ourselves!”

 Loki’s sudden anger had stunned Thor. Usually, his brother was well composed and calm. This was not what he was expecting but he pressed further. “And what were your plans for the people held up in the temple?”

 “Well, I thought to rule them, as they have no rulers.” Loki’s voice was light again and he seemed at ease again. “Or perhaps, since you like raising monsters and all, you could rule them. Either way is fine with me really, I just wanted to see the monster that made me dead.”

 “And are we monsters for raising you?” Frigga asked suddenly, her eyes glossy with unshed tears. It seemed her son’s sickly appearance had been taken a toll on her. “Tell me child, are we monsters for loving you.”

 He looked at her, love shining through his eyes only for a brief moment before indifference took over. “If I am a monster for killing monsters, then yes you raised a monster because you are monsters.”

 “Wow.” Was Jane’s unintentional response.

 This caught the attention of Loki. “Wow indeed.”

 “And what happened to you lips?” Frigga asked noticing faint scars. “Why are you scarred so? Heimdall only recently saw you and yet you give the appearance of having been wandering for some time.”

 Loki’s eyes grew distant before he answered. It was as if he was caught between what was happening now and a memory. “We put them some place they ought not have been.” He blinked and suddenly his emerald eyes grew brighter as the memory faded. “Now, we ask that you allow us passage straight away to Midgard. We desire to inform Lady Darcy of our travels and contemplate the end of cursed existence.”

 It seemed for a moment that no one knew what to say. There seemed so many layers to get through in order to actually reach Loki and it seemed for all their wisdom, they were flabbergasted on how to do it. It was Jane that offered a possible plan. “Lady Darcy is here.”

 He stepped forward. “On Asgard? Why?”

 “She is my best friend.” She tried to keep her tone light as if in a casual conversation. She might not have been a phycologist, but she recognized Loki’s fragile state. “She is staying with me for a while.”

 Loki’s face brightened and for the first time since returning. “Very well then we…””

 “Loki go back to your rooms.” Odin commanded suddenly cutting off whatever Loki was going to say. “I will be there soon.”

 Loki glared at Odin before turning back to Jane. “Will you send Darcy to me?”

 “Of course.” Jane smiled. “As soon as I can.”

 Loki nodded before returning to his quarters. The crowd outside continued to applaud him hailing him as hero. It was the first time anyone had.

 “He is delusional.” Jane stated quickly before Odin could question her. “We see this often on Midgard after traumatic events. I am no psychologist but he is definitely not in his right mind. He refers to himself as many people, he is suicidal. He could very well be a danger to himself and other people.”

 “And what do they do to people on Midgard in this condition?” Thor asked. “How do we cure it?”

 Jane frowned. “There might be no curing it, but it can be managed. On Midgard, we would have someone like him institutionalized and medicated.”

 Frigga shook her head. “Imprisoning him will make matters worse. He needs to know that we are his family still.”

 “True,” Odin answered. “But still we cannot allow him to hurt himself or anyone else. Therefore, guards will be assigned to him at all times and he shall be confined not in a prison but to a certain chambers in the palace.” He stood ending any debate that might have followed his orders. “I will be the one to tell him.”

 It’s not that Jane would have debated but she would have advised Odin on how to handle the situation without making things worse. Of course, perhaps, it wasn’t her place to advise him on anything.

 Loki sat at his desk idly doodling on a sheet. He wouldn’t fancy himself an artist but he needed something to pass the time. He was growing bored and wanted to be rid of this place as soon as possible. There were too many memories here. It was too easy to forget what he really was.

 He stood from his desk and laid on his bed. He missed Lady Darcy. She had been kind to him when he landed on her doorstep, hands bound and lips sewn together. It had taken her a week to convince him to let her try to take the stitches out but she kept him safe. Perhaps he would go as far as to call her a friend.

 She seemed to sympathize without pitying him. Her male friend, Ian was also very kind and had kept him company while Lady Darcy went to work. He was relieved Darcy was in Asgard. At least he would have one ally.

 Suddenly he heard a commotion so he sat up as Odin and five guards came into his chamber.

 “What is this?” He asked Odin. “Answer us at once.”

 “Loki, due to your crimes, both against yourself and the Jotun people, you are to be guarded without cease and restricted from the Bifrost.”

 There was no discussion, no further explanation and as suddenly as Odin came in, he was gone leaving behind the guards. Outraged beyond words, Loki went to chase after Odin and demand that he not be treated like a criminal when he, as far as he thought, had done nothing wrong.

 But a slender hand wrapped around his think boney wrist preventing him from leaving. It was the first touch he received since returning. “Loki wait.” It was Frigga. “He didn’t explain it right.”

 Loki’s shoulders slumped in defeat before turning to her. “Am we a prisoners?”

 “No Loki you live here. This is your home.” She tried to explain. “This is where you belong.”

 “We have no home.” He answered.

 “Loki, you must take responsibility for your actions. And even more than that,” She added. “I want to be ensured of your safety. You jumped off the Bridge.”

 “What we do to our life is none of your concern any more.”

 “Right now it is my only concern.” She insisted. “I love you Loki and it is my job to keep you safe.” She walked passed him. You are expected at tonight’s feast to celebrate your return. Lady Darcy will be there to great you.”

 “Frig…” He stopped himself having never called her anything other than Mother. He was suddenly unsure of what to say. He wanted to fight but then, he wanted to see Darcy and he really didn’t have any place else to go. “So be it.”

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. Where Loki Fell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This explains where Loki fell after trying to kill himself and where he go his scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some mythology and made it my own.  
> No beta.

He fell for months though he could have sworn it had taken longer and he landed in a strange realm that he had only heard about but had never actually seen. Everything seemed to small and he felt self-conscious about his height. He moved under a cloak of invisibility more to cover himself from Heimdall more than from the Dwarves.

The one redeeming factor of this realm was that there were many places to hide himself. He made himself a nice little nook to stay during the nights and during the day he wondered around looking for something to eat. The lands bore very little fruit, so soon, Loki had to resort to some of his more basic tactics to survive. He started stealing.

It started with Loki just stealing food to survive and blankets for the cold nights. But soon, Loki found himself doing it just for fun. The long days alone were becoming boring. With nothing to do and no one to talk to, Loki found himself thinking out loud and soon answering those thoughts. He sought minor amusements.

He would take regular household things, like spoons and cups, and put them in different places, usually high places and watch them look for the item. And then at night, when he stayed in his nook, he would sing to himself, or tell himself stories of times when things seemed a little simpler.

Little did he know, however, that Dwarves had their own kinds of magic and soon after he started playing these little tricks, the dwarves were able to catch him and reverse his cloaking spell.

He never once pleaded mercy, not even when they threatened to take his head more for humiliating them then for the thievery. Instead he made the argument that he couldn’t cut off his head from the neck as they only wanted his head for his crimes. There was no way around this reasoning which only seemed to anger the Dwarves more.

With strength Loki didn’t think these little people had, they managed to hold him down and sewed his lips shut with magical thread that his magic couldn’t reverse. The pain was excruciating and they did slowly, making sure they caused as much pain as possible. When they finished with their task, they dumped him back in a void and went about their business.

Loki couldn’t figure out which was worse, the pain on his mouth or falling again. He couldn’t scream, he could barely breathe and now he was scared more than any other time he could think of. More months passed. Months of silence and of starvation passed unnoticed. Unable to even give comfort to himself, he almost hoped to fall back to Asgard, for something familiar.

It was to Midgard that he fell, however, and on the doorstep of a much freaked out Midgardian woman.

At the sound of the of the shrill shriek of the brunet, Loki got to is feet prepared to run away, but he was exhausted and only stumbeled a few feet before dropping again to the ground.

The Midgardian woman followed in his footsteps and a black electrical device in hand. “Ok, ok, hold on, hold on!” She screamed. “Are you hurt?”

Loki probably wouldn’t have answered even if he could but she crouched over him and forced him to move his hands away from his face. “Oh my God!” She yelled again. “You’re lips are shown shut!” As if he didn’t know. “We have to get you to a hospital!” She attempted to lift him up but Loki gathered up enough strength to fight her off or at the very least give her struggle at moving his weight.

He was sure a hospital wouldn’t be able to him. These healers could barely keep mortals alive; he figured they wouldn’t have stood a chance trying to heal him.

Eventually, after struggling with him for a little while, she gave up. “Ok, I guess you are against that idea. Ummm, I’m going to take it, since you fell from the sky that you are an Asgardian?”

After Loki’s tentative nod, she looked around helplessly. There was no one around, which was a good thing. Before Thor, she never would have invited a stranger in her home, even if he did fall out of the sky. But Asgardians proved friendly, so she shrugged. “Alright well, you need to come in out of the cold.”

She was happy he didn’t struggle this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sif wants things to go back to how it used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is posted from my phone. Please tell me if formatting is weird.

He was cheered when he entered the banquet hall but Sif knew it wasn’t for his return. No, the people of Asgard were happy their prince returned if only because his life pleased the queen and king. But the real reason for the cheers was that he was the slayer of Jotuns. He was the slayer of a race of monsters and glorified him as such.

But Sif knew there was no glory in it for him. No, Sif knew Loki was essentially killing himself over and over again. He was trying to destroy the part of him that made him different, that part of him that made him something other than Asgardian. He was trying to right a part of him that he felt was very, very wrong.

They were congratulating him for killing himself.

Sif watched as he picked at his food as he sat across from Thor, his eyes constantly checking the door waiting for someone to come in. It hurt her in a way she would never admit that he didn’t looked for her upon his arrival. Was what they had together so meaningless?

How many nights had they spent in each other’s arms with him promising he was hers and hers alone? How many hours had they spend pleasing each other, teasing each other and loving on each other? It wasn’t that long ago, not to Sif. It seemed like just yesterday that they were stealing kisses and she was making him promise to never let his lips touch another woman’s.

She watched as his green eyes lit up and a bright smile widened his mouth. She followed his line of sight and saw the mortal woman that had come with Princess Jane, Darcy. A pang of jealousy hit her gut. Was he happy to see this mortal and yet not at all affected by her?

Darcy embraced Loki tightly and it made her hands itch. She wanted to slap the mortal for touching what was hers. How could Loki not remember what they were and who his body belonged to? 

He sat next to the mortal and spoke animatedly suddenly very involved in eating and drinking. It was as it if wasn’t a party unless Darcy was there. They spoke as if they were old friends and perhaps they were. But their friendship was not as old as the one Sif held with the prince and she didn’t think as meaningful. 

But maybe it was. Perhaps Loki and this mortal were intimate. The thought made Sif nauseous. The very idea that he allowed someone else to touch him caused anger to clench her stomach. 

Sif tried to look at something else. She tried to pay attention to the conversations around her but the stories of the Warriors Three were not enough to hold her attention. She tried to focus on eating but her eyes kept straying to the duo, she wouldn’t call them a couple, to see what they were doing.

Darcy was too free with her hands and he was too eager to receive her touches. Did she not understand that he was a prince? Did he not understand that their relationship hadn’t ended? 

Her feet moved before she could stop them. She knew she should make a seen, Loki was never found of public displays, but her anger had overtaken her. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say. She only knew that she wanted to be the cause of his smiling eyes. 

They looked up at her, smiles on their faces as she stopped before them. “Prince Loki. May I have a moment?” She tried to keep her voice steady, even as her hands were shaking.

His smile faded and Sif’s heart broke. Instead of being the cause of his smile, she was the cause of it fading. “No Lady Sif. I’m busy.” He turned his attention back to Darcy who looked at Sif with an apologetic face. 

Sif didn’t need Darcy’s sympathy, she needed Loki’s attention. Without thinking, he grabbed his arm and lifted him off the chair.

A look of outrage spread over Loki’s face as he snatched his arm out of her grip. “How dare you touch us?” He screamed. “We told you….”

“Dare I? How dare I touch you?!” She was screaming back drawing attention to them. She was out of line and she knew it. He was a prince and there she was grabbing on him and screaming at him as if his parents weren’t sitting at a table nearby. “I remember a time when you couldn’t get enough of my touch.”

His eyes widened at the mention of their relationship. His breath left him in heavy puffs as he spit out through clenched teeth, “I say it again, I do not wish to speak to you.”

Fine, she thinks, then we will not speak. She reached up and pulled his head to hers. She kissed him roughly, the way she used to, a claiming kiss with her tongue plundering his mouth. He was too shocked to resist at first and for a moment he softened to her kisses and it was like it used to be. He tasted the same and smelled the same, but then he wrenched himself back. His cheeks were red and flushed. 

Everyone was looking at them. The royal family was staring as realization hit them. There was no turning back now, no way to hide what they were. She had finally done what she should have done before he found out about his parentage.

She watched the conflicting emotions play in his face. Finally, the world knew it was him, not the great and wonderful Thor that had won the heart of Sif. But then she watched the disbelief win out and anger boil beneath his usually cool gaze.

He turned to leave but Sif couldn’t bare it. She would not let him leave her again. “Don’t you walk away from me.” He continued to walk, more like stomp, his way from her. She seethed and then, in a voice she used to use when they were alone together, in a voice she used to command him to strip and prepare himself for her, she called to him. “LOKI!”

He stopped, stiffened. Yes, she thought, I still own you.   
He turned to her, his eyes pleading but for what she didn’t know. Did he want to be released from her? Did she want to go with Darcy? Did he want to leave Asgard.  
He took a step to her and she held her breath. She steadied herself for whatever would come, either his anger or his love. 

But then he stopped. His pleading eyes turned hard and he shook his head. “Nothing is the same.” He told her. “Nothing.”

She watched as he turned away from her. She watched him walk away. She watched everything she ever wanted disappear through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. I wasn't sure where to take it.


	8. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Odin have a conversation and so does Darcy and Sif. Sif and Loki don't really have a conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no beta still

Loki paced his room unsure of what to do with himself. His mind was racing but he could pick out just one thought to think.

The feast had been long over and the palace was quiet now, most people in bed already. But Loki couldn’t sleep. He wanted to leave this place but he really had no place to go. Darcy had expressed her desire to stay in Asgard with Jane and she was the only person he knew outside of Asgard that might take him in. Perhaps he could wander the nine realms and make a place from himself.

A gentle knock came. The light tap made him think it was a woman, probably Frigga who noticed his light on while she walked to the garden. She would be a pleasant distraction, someone to talk to until his mind calmed. To his surprised, when he opened the door, it was Odin standing there.

Odin himself looked tired, or maybe more weary. “Son. May we speak?”

Loki thought about saying no, but the idea of slamming the door in the All Father’s face didn’t sit well with him so Loki opened the door further to let him in. “What is there to speak about?”

“So many things.” Odin closed the door behind him and sat on Loki’s bed. “First and foremost, I am here to see if you are comfortable. You are obviously unable to sleep, given this late hour.”

“We want to leave.” Loki was in no mood for small talk, especially not with a man that lied to him for the total of his life.

“I know.” Odin nodded. “But we cannot have you unsupervised and roaming around Loki. You are unwell.”

“We are as well as we may be considering.”

Odin stared at his youngest son for a moment unsure of what to say until he breathed out. “Who is we?”

Loki seemed to not hear him as his reply was, “What else is there to talk about?”

“Lady Sif.” Odin offered.

“There is nothing to discuss.” Loki stated frankly.

Odin huffed. “On the contrary son…”

“Stop calling me that.”

Odin watched his son sit at his desk looking much older than he actually was. “But that is what you are Loki. What you have always been.”

“No, I’ve always been a monster bred by monsters.”

“Very well,” Odin conceded. Your parents were monsters, but you are not.”

Loki socked his head to one side.“How is that possible?”

“Well it’s simple really. Thor was bred with Frigga, a wise and knowing woman and Thor is…”

“An oaf?” Loki offered.

Odin smiled. “So see, genetics isn’t everything. I believe in nurture over nature.”

“Well if that’s true, then we have this one problem. With your nurturing I killed a vast amount of people.”

“True, but then with the nurturing of my family, I did in my youth as well. Maybe we are more alike than you are giving credit for.”

Loki seemed to be at a loss for words, he was suddenly too tired to compete with his father. He knew he was a monster, why couldn’t his father just agree with him?

“So now, you and Sif were lovers?”

Fatigue was setting in on Loki’s body. It caused him to slouch dejectedly in his chair. “Yes father.”

Odin nodded. “And why should that change?”

“She hates Jotuns.” Loki explained. “I am Jotun.”

“You are Jotun only by blood.”

“How could she love something so vile?”

“Someone son, not something and from the looks of things this evening, she does. A woman does not react that way unless she has some feeling for the man who is vexing her.”

That may be. “She loves who we were.”

With this Odin agrees. Loki is not the man he used to be. He is someone very different but that didn’t mean she won’t love who he became. “Let her see who you are now. Give her the choice.”

“We don’t want to hear her answer. We never had much to give in the first place. With Thor she could have been queen, with me merely a princess. I was always the lesser brother. And now,” Loki stood up ready to end this conversation. “We have even less.”

“No Loki, you were always the smarter of the two and from what Thor tells me you were always the one she wanted.” Odin tried to explain. “You are no lesser, just different. And different isn’t bad.”

“Things change.” Loki opened the door, silently encouraging Odin to leave him be.”

“Yes, yes they do.” Odin took his cue but stopped to turn around before he left. “And some things never do.”

000

Darcy jumped awake at the sound of someone banging at her door. It took her a moment to even realize that it was the door someone was banging against. She threw the covers off herself and got to her feet. It seemed Asgardians didn’t believe in sleep. “Who is it?”

“Mortal it’s Sif.” Came the muffled reply. “I wish to talk to you.”

Darcy’s female intution were running wild during the feast. Sif had jealous girlfriend written all over her body language so she knew to expect this conversation. She just didn’t expect it in the middle of the night.

She opened the door with a heavy sigh. “Sif, what can I do for you?”

“Are you intimate with Loki?” The shield maiden stood before her with a rather irate expression on her face and hands on her hips.

Without meaning to, Darcy laughed. Apparently Asgardians didn’t believe in tact either. “Come in Sif. This isn’t a conversation we should have in the hallway. Loki is a private person…”

“I don’t need you to tell me what kind of person Loki is.” Sif stated flatly as she entered the room and the door was closed behind her. “Now answer my question.”

Darcy turned to face Sif trying to keep calm. Two irate women always made things worse. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but Loki is banana balls. He’s a nice guy, hot and all, but there is no way I would sleep with him.”

Sif’s hazel eyes shot daggers at Darcy. She didn’t seem to be buying it. “So then, what is his fascination with you?”

Darcy shrugged. “I don’t know. They guy was hurt pretty bad when he landed on my door step. I helped him out; we hung out together for a while. I even tried to talk him out of genocide but it seems he didn’t take my advice.”

Sif deflated. So then it wasn’t that he was involved with someone else, he just didn’t want her any more.

Darcy actually felt bad for the woman. It was obvious that she cared for Loki but just couldn’t find a way to reach him anymore. “Sif, I don’t know your full story or anything, but I figure men are men in any world right? So, men have a hard time saying ‘hey I need help’. Sometimes you just gotta jump in and help out or just be there until they are ready to talk.”

Sif sighed suddenly looking more tired than like a woman ready to fight what she thought was her competition. “He has made it very clear that he doesn’t want me around him.”

“Yeah, he’s been doing that with everyone it seems.” Darcy agreed.

“Except you.”

“Yeah but I had nothing to do with the old him, only the new him. Look, Loki needs a constant right now.”

Sif cocked a head to the side. “A constant?”

“Yeah, someone who is always there. No matter what has changed. I mean Thor can no longer be his brother, Odin can’t be his father, Frigga can no longer be his mother. But you, his new heritage don’t change you at all or what you were to each other. He needs something to tie his old self to his new self and maybe you’re it.”

Sif nodded. “A constant.” She seemed to grasp the meaning now. She smiled at Darcy. “Thank you mortal.”

Sif didn’t wait for a response from Darcy. She was now a woman with a mission.

She stopped off at her rooms to grab a few things before marching over to Loki’s room. Without knocking, because she knew he wouldn’t invite her in, Sif walked in and went to make a makeshift bed across from his.

Loki sat up, bewildered as Sif wordlessly through some blankets down on the floor. “Um, what are you doing? We didn’t say you could come in here.”

She snorted. “I know you didn’t say it, because I didn’t ask. It’s late, you should get some sleep.”

He didn’t say anything back, just stared at as Sif made herself comfortable on his floor and seemed to drift off to sleep.

Loki blinked in the darkness for a moment before settling himself down to sleep as well.


	9. Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Sif finally have it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the final chapter!

This is it folks, the last chapter. This is my first fanfiction and I am very happy to actually finish it. Thanks for all the responses!

 

He would have thought she would have given up by now. It’s been over a week, and still Sif has been following him all day every day. It was like his shadow come to life. She followed him to the library, to lunch with his mother and would sleep on the cot she had pushed into his room a week ago

She wouldn’t say anything, not unless he said something to her first. She stopped going to spar with Thor and her friends and only ate when he did. He found that to be the cause of him remembering to eat more and go to sleep at a decent time.

It also made it impossible to leave without his father noticing.

The routine meals and the regular sleep made him feel better over time but things still didn’t feel right. He couldn’t seem to get into a routine. All the things that he used to do before, he couldn’t seem to get into now. Reading only held a minimal interest. He felt better when he was around Darcy but as Jane’s assistant she had her own errands to run. Despite his shadow, he was lonely.

With a huff of frustration, he threw his book of magic on the table and leaned back into his chair. With a tilt of his head he saw Sif sitting on a chair in the corner of the room looking directly at him with a vested interest and yet she said nothing.

With a sigh of frustration he sat up in his chair. “Why are you following us? Don’t you have something better to do with your time?”

“Better?” She didn’t like that word. “No. You are the only thing important right now.”

He snorted. “That seems unlikely.”

“It isn’t.” She insisted. “I’m here for you, whether you want me to be or not.”

He stares at her for a moment, unsure of what to say to that. After a moment of thought he could find only one response. “Why?”

“Because I love you?” It was simple to her.

He went to correct her. “You loved…”

“No. I love.” She stopped him before he could continue.” You. Right now. Blue skin and red eyes doesn’t change that.”

“Blue skin and red eyes change everything.” He got to his feet in a hurry. “Why can’t anyone see that?”

“No.” She stood up to be level with him but keeps her tone light. She didn’t want him to feel attacked. “It changes somethings.”

He stopped his pacing and looks at her. “So then you admit things are different?”

“Oh yes. Things are very different.” She agreed readily. “But this is not. We are not. You and your brother are no longer blood brothers, but he loves you as one. Your father is not your father, but you are still a prince of the realm. Your mother did not birth you and yet she still favors your talents over Thor’s. You and I though, there are no buts. We are still as we were. Two lovers who are in love.”

An eyebrow rose. Maybe she did understand. Everyone was trying to pretend as if nothing changed, as if nothing was different, but they were. She seemed to see that.

Slowly, he let his glamor leave him. His skin turned for pale white to a soft blue to a bright one. His eyes went from green to purple to red and then he sat before her, in his full Jotun form. What would she say now? Would her words still be the same now that she was faced with the monster that he was?

She steeled herself when she realized he was changing. She wanted her reactions to be true but not at all dramatic. She wanted him to know the truth. Yes he was different, but not anything bad. Slowly, as if he’d run if she moved to fast, she walked to him.

He watched her come closer and watched as she raised an arm to touch his face. “No matter what form you’re in.” She told him. “You belong to me.”

A strong shiver ran through his body.

“See.” She told him. “No change here.” She pushed him back to his chair and slide onto his thighs straddling him. “My beautiful Loki.” She kissed him then, eyes open and she watched as his eyes slid closed.

His body softened. “Sif.” He breathed as the kiss ended. “We never thought you’d still love us.”

And there it was, the very basic fear. Maybe now he could see that if she loved him so could his family. “And yet here I am, loving you still.”

“I have nothing to offer you.”

There was no we. He was not speaking for the kingdom he thought he was. His own created people where he could fit in. No, he was there with her. “All I want is you.”

“That’s all I have.” He said it in a small voice as if all he had wasn’t enough to fill her heart.

“That’s more than enough.”

She knew then, the strength he had to possess to lose everything in a moment, go to the brink of insanity and then return again. Him, the smaller of the two brothers, the weaker and the lesser, possessed a strength that no warrior could ever have. It would not be perfect and he might wake up tomorrow speaking for the realm in his head, but at least now she was in his realm and root him reality. Where he might not have been king, but he was loved no less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think?


End file.
